It's SEW not over!!

Jayne says: First, the good: I admit, I really like the idea of giving 12 out of the 15 designers (Sweet P?! Ice Queen?! That chick that got auf'ed in the first episode?!) the opportunity to vie for $10K by creating a 3- look collection that we, the little people, get to judge. "It's Sew Not Over" is an awesome concept in theory. In practice, however...

I don't like the fact that the final three designers got to participate here. It seems like overkill...and a bit unfair to the other designers. I think that giving those who are very clearly talented, but were auf'ed too soon a chance to show what they've really got was the point. For Christian, Jillian and Chris or Rami, they made it all the way to the end of the competition, so we've already seen what they're capable of. PLUS they get to show at Bryant Park. Why include them? I guess this is why I'm not involved in the production of reality TV. Too fair, I am....

Anyways, I'm gonna need a bit more time to digest the collections, but here are a few pieces, good and bad, that caught my eye right off the bat...

The Horrid:

Hiiii-YAH!!

Holy shit. The only place this would fit: The 2008 off-Broadway remake of Seven Samurai: The All Drag Version. Otherwise, UGH! Carmen, honey...NO. Those shoes hurt my soul.


I am not joking in the least when I say that, at first glance, I thought this was a picture of Ricky modeling his own design. Maybe it's the hat. It actually might be a cute little dress. But I can't get past that HAT! Jesus man! They don't look good on you...what made you think they'd look good on a woman in a cocktail dress? For crying out loud Lady Tearbox, ENOUGH with the hats!

Again, time is needed to really sift through everyone's looks. I'm sure there's some serious fug up in there. But for now, on to...

The Fabulous:

This orange little number from Elisa, oddly enough, makes me want a Creamsicle. I love those!! And I totally love this dress, too! (Honestly, I love the little blue flower, even if there is an obvious its-growing-out-of-her-crotch joke to be made here. I don't care, though...that dress is so damn flattering on the model!)

I love the colors on this dress from Jack. The shoes...not so much. But minus those, I think the overall look is darling and something (minus the shoes) that I would totally wear.


Now, here's a case where the shoes work!! Kit chose to add a little pop of Burberry-esque fabric to this look that I LOVE WITH ALL OF MY HEART! Best in show: the short-sleeved overcoat. I covet. Honestly. The sleeves of the shirt might be a tad long for my taste, but when the whole look comes together like that, who cares about the sleeve length! Gorg-e-ous!!!

Jeff, Marc? Any thoughts?

Project Runway 4: The Reunion Episode

Jayne says: This was, by far the most snooze-inducing reunion special EVAR!! As far as we, the humble viewers could tell, there was no alcohol or pre-partying. WTF?! Traditionally, the reunion episode marks the one time where we get to see the designers cut loose and have a little fun, for crying out loud. No booze?!?! The resulting hour was exactly what you would think a bunch of people sitting around talking would be like...

Dry. Except for the video of Ricky's tearbox scenes...and Carmen's real actual tears.

Boring. With the glaring exception of Michael Kors's little laughing fit video, nothing actually happened. (Note: If anyone can find a video clip of his hysterical hyena-like laughter, PLEASE let me know. Holy shit, that was funny. His laugh made me laugh twice as hard. Classic.)

Jeff says: Yeah, I wasn't even planning on blogging this week as it was total a non-event. It was so clear that everyone's appearance was part of their contract. But let's recap the highlights:

• Michael Kors's laughing fit. Last weekend we caught a shot of a 62 year old man's leopard print g-string over the top of his short shorts - my friend Dan and I were channelling Mr. Kors to the point of having to leave the bar we were in.
• Christina smiling away while they replayed all of Ricky's crying events (snicker)
• Nina Garcia's touched up face courtesy of Botox and Restylane, now expressionless and bag free!

Jayne says: I'm interrupting this recap to bring you the following rant: Why do I always hear about all the cool new face enhancement stuff from Jeff?! Damn it! Now, back to your regularly scheduled bitch-fest...

Anyways, I'm totally amazed at the amount of "Hey, you're fabulous!" ass-patting that went on. No one got pissed and walked off the set. No one went on a famously drunken aimless rant that perhaps would have made more sense had they been sober. For the most part, everyone just sat around and congratulated each other on how wonderful they all are. At one point during last night's love-fest, I seriously asked myself if the producers secretly replaced the alcoholic drinks with ecstasy-spiked bottles of water. ("Let's see if they notice!") Mass amounts of positivity ensued! It was a Project Runway reunion special first!

Honestly, I hope the boys have more to say here, because *damn*, I was just bored to tears. And in the event that the Jeff and Marc were as underwhelmed by this episode as I was, I invite them to create captions for the following pictures, because they are pretty funny...


Jayne says: "There once was a man from Nantucket..."

Jeff says: They sooooo want each other.


Jayne says: If Victorya was a super-hero, her special power would be shooting ice death-rays from her eyes, while ever so slightly curling her top lip in total disgust.

Jeff says: Condolezza Rice and Victorya: Separated at birth.

Jayne says:
Heidi: "There were jackets coming down the runway with no shirts underneath."
Carmen: "Bitch, I'll cut you, so help me GOD...Right after I finish being butt-hurt and needy...with this weird thingy on the side of my head. But damn it, I'm STILL fabulous!"

Jeff says: Hi Crazy Lady.

If I were straight she would scare the crap out of me. I mean can't you imagine what she would be like on a date, or even worse as your WIFE?!? She would be in the bathroom all insecure and obsessive asking you if she looked fabulous.

Next week: On to Bryant Park!!! Hollah!

Project Runway 4 Recap: Episode 11

Jeff says: Wow. I can't believe we are at the end already. To be completely honest, season 4 left me a little flat. The designers were, for the most part, already established. The producers seemed more worried about the gimmicks and drama than the actual contest.

This morning I was walking by the front desk at the office. The woman who works the front desk - who is a real kick in the chonies - wanted to chat about Tim Gunn. Specifically, how he always seemed to know exactly what the judges wanted. Now in the past I may have chalked it up to the fact that he is a former instructor, and was a probably part of designing the overall challenge. But when I started to answer her, doubt came forward and I explained that I thought they might be using Tim to guide the results for dramatic effect, possibly manipulating who stayed on the show.... because maybe the remaining players had more drama value, rather than overall talent.

Take the unexplainable stamina of Ricky as a case in point.

Or the fact that they spent a good 2 minutes chasing Chris down into the break room and discussing his nap - puh-leeeeeese, who CARES?!?

OK, bygones... here we are at the final 5: Rami, Jillian, Christina, Sweet P and Chris. They are all talented, and have a point of view. Its all about the clothes, right?

Jayne says: Wrong.
And when did Ricky's schtick become good TV? I can watch sissy-boys in bad hats cry on any channel (like MTV). Where were the Santinos? The Zulemas? The freaking WENDY PEPPERS for crying out loud?!? I want another motherf*cking walk-off, damn it!

THIS WEEKS CHALLENGE:

Jeff says: The designers were taken to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC. Over a 45 minute period, armed with a product placement - I mean - digital camera - they were to find inspiration in classical works of art spanning several periods and cultures. There didn't seem to be any guidance or limits other than time allotted to construct their vision based on the inspirations (and a 300 dollar budget). The end result of the show would culminate in 2 auf'ings and 3 contestants promoted to the finale at New York Fashion Week (SWEET!)

Jayne says: In theory, that was the plan. But the final twist made things a little more interesting for Rami and Chris, who will have to design a whole line, and then present their best three looks in order to secure the last spot at Fashion Week. Very interesting, indeed.

Let's start the show...

THE FABULOUS

Jeff says: Jillian. HELL YES! Her outfit was sex-on-legs meets-blondie-at-the-disco. She drew inspiration from a painting of the Argonauts leader. What was super clear was that it was just inspiration as she created an out that was ultra modern and hella tight. I could see that outfit with the black jacket, gold dress and matching lining on any B-lister sexpot at any urban museum show opening. I wish I had a better picture, specifically one from the catwalk: the color contrast and reflection mixed with the movement of the dress was flat out stunning.

Jillian has met every challenge head on and always delivered - she has a fan here in SF.
Go Jillian!

Jayne says: Did Jeff really just say "hella tight"? OMG. ROFL!!
But yeah, this was my fave of the night too. I loved the cut-outs on the back of the jacket and the lining! Very creative, very chic. Jill, darling, call me. I want that jacket.

And here's my PSA for the night :
Future PR designers, take note: Judges cream themselves when you line a jacket. Do it. Often. You will succeed. Nina will not be bored. Promise.

THE HORRID

Jeff says: Christina. To quote Jayne, it was "Hor-eee-blah!" I saw Christian LaCroix and Yves St Laurent and Ralph Lauren all mixed into a mish mash of classic looks. I know he won, but it was kinda....um... EW! In defense of the judges it was super flashy and I think they were wearing their Fashion Week beanies (a little too tight). This was clear as they continuously harped on the designers for having (or not) a sense of showmanship. The high point in the show for me was when the now barely living, Robert Cavalli rattled out some platitude to Christina about how much love and was in the creation... love the detail... so forth.... Christian looked like a confused mix of flattery and the thought of what it might be if he had to sleep with him.

Jayne says: Christian's schpeel was that he wanted to create pieces that could be worn separately. Ok, seriously. Look at those frilly, wacky, POOFY pieces. Could any of those realistically be worn with anything else without looking like you broke into the costume closet at the local high school's drama club? Nah. Not a chance. What this mess of fabric did have going for it was the WOW factor on the runway. I definitely took notice, but not in a good way. Even so, I say Christian FTW at Fashion Week.

SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE BOOT

Jeff says: Sweet P and Rami. SweetP because, really honey - it was boring. It was nice, there was a slight uniqueness about the dress but I was a 300.00 dollar cocktail dress. Rami, OMG why does he keep doing the same boring dress! I swear hes making me want to poke my eyes out.... In other seasons he would have been weeded out a long time ago as a one hit wonder - he has no versatility. The dress this week was immaculately constructed and a nice piece but it was also a 300.00 dollar cocktail dress. Both Rami and Sweet P are not America's Next Great Designer.

Jayne says: Sweet P fell so damn flat on this one. And I'm sad, too. I snuck a peek at the collection she presented at Fashion Week, and I have to say, it was really the only one that I liked. She will be successful, even without this tragic peacock court jester mess. And Rami, good God man, get over yourself and the draping! Basta!! In seasons past, other designers have gotten the entire can of Nina-whoop-ass for being a one-note. Let's just hope that Rami can crank out something different for the last challenge against Chris. But then again, I hope he brings more of the same boring Grecian drapey crapola, because holy poop on a stick, I love this dress of Chris's:

I've got my fingers crossed for you Chris, my little round boy of love!

Project Runway 4 Recap: Episode 10

Marc says: In episode 10, the designers were given the challenge of creating outfits for female wrestling Divas, each was given a budget of $100 to work with spandex. After being away in Tokyo for a few weeks, in the land of brand worship and pooches sticking out of Burberry totes, it was nice to be back home and see women strut their stuff in "fierce" and ultra-sexy outfits. I am a child of the Rollerderby era and feel a natural connection to anyone who pulls hair, screams or is just plain violent when clothed in shiny fabric. These Divas reminded me of the new batch of Republican candidates' wives for some reason, minus Janet Huckabee who is a dead ringer for Julia Child. Tall, strong and ready to grind any competitor with the blunt end of a Payless heel.



Separated at birth? You make the call...

I must add that Heidi is looking a little tired, I'm afraid it's all catching up with her, the modeling, the Bravo show, supervising three nannies, touring with Seal in t he Balkans, she needs to scale back.

Jeff Says: So I am sick in bed but I did have the chance to watch this today. Im not sure who is giving the Producer (Heidi) advice here but WHAT THE HELL ! Since when is anything on the WWE remotely close to fashion. I recall on more than one season and on more than one occassion designers critizized for "costume-y" work. So I get the rub but it seems like hypocrisy is afoot when you bring out a bunch of transvestite wrestlers and then trot the designer down to "Spandex World" (or whatever it was called, I don't want to see a bunch of corrections in the comments please).

I did chat on the phone this morning with Jayne (or maybe it was just voicemail, damn that cold medicine is messing wiff ma heeeead) and she commented that "This was the stupidest show EVAR!" Ok, so Jayne can be a little dramatic but she's RIGHT! It was weak.

Jayne Says: We're sorry but Jayne is in Las Vegas working - the management.

Jayne, for reals, says: Actually, I'm in Vegas playing. It's my annual birthday-drive-the-car-of-your-dreams weekend. I'll be back soon...

WINNERS OF THE FASHION CAGE MATCH

Marc says: Christian's leather and lace outfit, loved the detail and the fit. This may shock America but this is what women wear when pushing a stroller at the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco.

Jeff says: As a proud San Franciscan I of course have a similar outfit and let me tell you; people aren't so shocked if you are wearing that kind of thing at the appropriate time - OK? I do think that it was super well done and Christian was actually tolerable this week and even got a chuckle out of me. Too bad about the hair though.

Marc says: Chris's leopard print hoodie was in a word...."hot." Who knew Chris would last this long in the competition. The outfit may scream out "HOOKER", but let's face it, this is what women will be wearing in Aspen when global warming hits full force. A well deserved victory for our Chris.

Jeff Says: My favorite was the Jean-Paul Gautier number that Chris did. It was so well made, loved the stiffness of the hood on the jacket, loved the bootie shorts and loved how the pattern on the cups of the top seemed to look back at you (I wonder how many people just ran for the TiVo to see what I'm talkin' about).


LOSERS

Marc says: Rami's pink monstrosity, the top, the skirt, the gloves...all very unflattering. Wasn't this originally Tara Reid's prom outfit?

Jeff says: Yeah I am gonna agree with Marc, that outfit Rami did was NAS-TEE. On my plasma that "Good-God Pink" made Michael Kors's orange "tan" look somewhat less nauseating. Rami is turning out to be a one hit wonder and will be ultimately found doing gowns in West Hollywood from his shop "Rami!" only to be "discovered" by starlets every 4 Oscar seasons. Sad.


Marc says: Jillian's blue number. This is what a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader wears when relaxing at home, it's not that bad really...it's just that I hate Jillian.

Jeff says: BOOOOOOO! I totally disagree with Marc. I love Jillian and would love to see her go to fashion week. The bootie shorts and knee-high socks were totally hot. I saw women pushing strollers at the Folsom Street Fair wearing the same thing. Her outfit was third in my book and ONLY because Christina had such a strong showing this week.

Marc says: Ricki's Lady Marmalade swimsuit, not the greatest obviously, but it has that Bond Girl feel to it, with a control bottom. I'm sad to see Ricky go. We've mocked his tears and silly hats but this guy had a beautiful heart.

Jeff says: I'm sorry but did we have a tear free show, Ricky? WOW is all I can say. But then let's talk about that swimsuit, I mean, outfit that you made for the Jay-Z video - whoops - for the WWE. Ricky has been skimming by, last week's win was a fluke - it was was his time.