Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Project Runway 4 recap: Episode 5

Dramasexual: an urban gay male with no clear sense of reality. Ex: "He spilled his cranberry Grey Goose and started to cry. What a dramasexual"

(Note: Jayne is on hiatus this week, something about a business trip to Barbados)

Jayne says: I so wish I was in Barbados. I am, however, on a business Las Vegas...for a day.

Jeff Says:
Gay guys and drama - like the holidays and shopping. Its a tradition and you can't avoid it. Just eat it and smile.

Case in point:

1. Jack got a staph infection - sure a staph infection is dangerous but you cant just call your doc and pick up some meds? I mean, if your gonna swallow you should know where your local clinic is at all times. Did we really have to talk about it on cam and then cry and leave? Sad to see him go because he did show some ability, wish he was leaving for the normal reasons, like sucking or pissing off your team member so they throw you under the bus. Hope you are well Jack, shame it ends this way.

2. Ricky in gold high heels with the requisite tears every 5-7 minutes
3. Christian.
4. Steven who so quietly panics. The mascot of shy-gay-guy-dramasexuals.

Marc says: I totally missed Jack's staph infection in the first few minutes of the show as I was racing home after injecting myself with a dirty martini at the Hyatt. Nothing like "gay penicillin" after a hard day at work. Will have to check out how they handled the whole Jack health scare when the show replays this week (too poor for TiVo here...), I just hope it was handled with taste since I had a feeling they would work his health into the show. I do agree with Jeff, the male designers this season are proving to be quite dramatic. High heels, tears, a staph this a beauty pageant??

Jeff Says: OK then. What was this show about? OH RIGHT - Recently slimmed down women, one for each designer, dressed in their now ill fitting favorite fat outfit. GOAL for the designers: re-craft a sea of fabric into something chic, personal, and not fat.

Marc says: Project Runway this week gets down and dirty and deals with America's second-biggest blemish, its weight issue. Perhaps a future episode will deal with the country's biggest problem, its foreign policy. How about having the designers work on outfits for Condi Rice for her next oveseas trip. I'm sure little Christian could come up with fun, frilly and "fierce" stuff for Condi to wear at peace talks.

I actually loved this week's challenge, it's always an unusual thrill to see "real" people walk down the runway. The same thrill I suppose could be derived from having the models walk down the aisles at a supermarket and exposed to food items. Heidi (love the hair) put on a brave face and in altruistic fashion, reached out to the average woman in this episode. I almost cried. Kors, I swear, is now not only applying self-tanning lotion but also drinking it. I don't care if he's orange, I love him anyway.

The Horrid.

Jeff Says: Ricky. I am still cracking up that he was wearing gold heels and his client's jeans all tight and shit. I mean really, a little Latin guy with a hookers hat, Capri length jeans and GOLD HEELS. How Dolce and Gabanna, right? So this was a nice look - if you are on The Real Housewives from the OC. I would like to have seen something not so DONE. Did anyone see what I saw when she came down the runway? Was the crotch of the jeans a little stretched out???

Marc says: This outfit is perfect for turning tricks at the local Holiday Inn while the kids are at soccer practice. Just make sure you park the SUV one block away, we don't want to be spotted by other mommies.

Jeff Says: Jillian. Yeah nice dress, but whatever. You didn't follow the instructions of the challenge, but maybe you didn't care since you were immune this week.

Marc says: Didn't Fergie, Duchess of York, wear this on "The View" recently? It's actually a nice little number. Well done.

Jeff Says: Rami. Another solid performance, I actually thought this was one of the better designs. And he is pretty hot, right? I mean I think so. Last week a friend of mine from LA says he has met him and he is packin'. DING! HE SO SHOULD HAVE WON - what a sham. OK maybe not.

Marc says: This outfit spells out S-A-S-S-Y and Ms. Thing proved it by sashaying down the runway. No more Kispy Kreme for this little lady.

Jeff Says: Steven. Oh dowdy doody, what are you thinking? You have the opportunity to really show your stuff and we keep getting such conservative looks. And this week it was not for lack of opportunity - he had an incredibly detailed (and shiny) size 71 wedding gown - it could have been a suit and a set of luggage for god's sake. Instead he threw it all out and used only 4 strips as trim on a dress that looked like it was from The Dick Van Dyke Show.

Marc says:
Now available at a Dress Barn near you.

Jeff Says: SweetPea. We would like to formally apologize for saying you had the acting range of Miss Piggy last week. Miss Piggy called to complain and asked us to retract. I think a more fair comparison is Tootie from The Facts Of Life.

The Fabulous.

Jeff Says: Christian. OK, it was nice (damn that hurt).

Marc says: Little Christian has talent. This "commercial" look works. Finally a design that doesn't look like it fell off the back of a Cirque du Soleil truck.

I seriously think that the biggest risk on the show is not Jack's staph infection but Christian's hair. Did anyone notice how Sweat Pea almost impaled herself on Christian's hair this week?? I was shaking.......gimme more "gay penicillin" now!

Jeff Says: Kevin. Wow this guy is so creative and can sew too boot. The unconstructed blazer-tent to bustier jacket was shear genius. His client was glowing and clearly loved it. I think I am rooting for him to the final 3 (with Rami of course)

Marc says: I hate leggings. There....I said it, I feel better. They work at the ballet, they work in the privacy of your own home, but they don't work in any other scenario. Let's start a movement to ban them.

Jayne says: I am currently wearing a pair of heather gray leggings with a black A-line dress. Until I read Marc's comments, I thought I looked pretty damn cute today. Apparently not. Thank goodness I can just run over the Shops at Ceasar's Palace and pick up something that might pass as nylons...

Should have won:

Jeff Says: Christina, I mean Christian. God, this sucks.

Marc says: I agree. Fierce Christian is the little diva that could.

Should have gotten the boot:

Jeff Says: Steven - no vision, no time management, worse than what Chris March sent down the runway. Sorry sugar, I'm sure you're very nice but nice don't cut it in the big city (unless we are talking about being nice to Michael Kors).

Marc says: Chris needs to go, again. Horrible outfit that had Kors referencing to French prostitutes (honey, you're not straight) and throwing up down Heidi's back when no one was looking. Thank god the only thing that came out of his stomach was Estee Lauder self tanner.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Project Runway 4 recap: Episode 4

Jayne says: Jeff and I caucused on the way to work this morning and we agree. This week's challenge was a total snooze-fest. Taking an old fashion trend and attempting to breathe new life into it by making it relevant to today's styles is not only silly, but pointless too. With the glaring exception of underwear as outwear (HATE those statiny, lacy camisole tops!), there's a reason why people don't wear pleather, poodle skirts and shoulder pads anymore. I certainly don't want to see a revival of fringe or neon...although, and be honest, who didn't love them some Body Glove back in the day? I know I did. And while we're on the topic of bad fashion we're all embarrassed to admit we wore, where the HELL were the parachute pants?! Man, I rocked those as a fourth-grader! Anyways, on with the show...

Is anyone else getting tired of the team challenges? So many, so early in the season. Goodness...

So, teams of three, everyone's gotta do something with the outdated look they chose blah blah blah. The key here was that they had to come up with a cohesive collection. As far as I'm concerned, the only consistency in the collections was the amount of ugly coming down the runway. Beyond that, not so much. Let's start the show...

Jeff Says:
Personally, I think that most of the 80s was pretty bad fashion-wise, and last night it was all about the 80s (for the most part) and 80s style was recycled 50's and 60's looks. Really now, is creativity about recycling old styles into new? I am a trained designer and we were all taught about inspiration. Unfortunately, it seems that for quite some time now, inspiration comes from 25 years ago. Now, I am always up for a little Kid N' Play or Grunge style revival - bring on the greasy hair and neon suits!

Marc says: I was bored. The clothes were boring, the staged tensions between the designers were boring. Where are the styles and the personalities that have stood out in past seasons? There is something deeply freakish and disturbing about this season's cast, from Christian's "Benji in a blender look" to Sweet Pea's "Ms. Piggy in a hostage crisis" facial expressions.

I simply find myself counting the minutes until we can get to Michael Kors's fabulous one liners. The man should be writing a comeback sitcom for Delta Burke as well as designing caftans for her. Donna Karan pulled herself away last night from her frantic schedule of running an international fashion empire and designing custom pillow cases for Barbra Streisand to assist Nina and Michael in judging the designers. Donna's found peace in her life through hosting yoga workshops in her backyard in the Hamptons, and it's obvious by the way she talks about clothes...."it didn't flow"....."it had no relationship to the body." That is exactly what I tell sales people in stores when I'm shopping for an outfit, "I need to find something that will have a relationship to my body." Nothing strange with that.

The Horrid:

Jayne says: Oh my god. What the HELL is this?! I see no neon, no actual cutouts and no underwear as outerwear. I can't even try to be clever here in my critique of this "collection". It just sucks. All of you: FAIL.

Jeff says: "Hey - its En Vogue! I love your music! *never gonna get, no youre never gonna get it* Sweet! Oh, wait... you're different nationalities so then...... you are....... why are you......wearing"

So these dresses are the products of Ricky, Victorya, and Elisa. Really, they are all not very creative. The dynamic between Ricky and Victorya was pretty ugly and actually I really lost a lot of resepect for Victorya. After last night she's right down there with Christian on my list of PR people I love to hate. AND SPEAKING OF CHRISTIAN did you see him twirling in front of the mirror in his own creation? I mean can't you just imagine what he was like at age 10? I bet he had ALL kinds of Barbies. Right?

Marc says: These three desses are guaranteed to get you kicked off a Southwest flight. That's reason enough to buy them.

Jayne says: Ok, here's the thing...I keep going back to these two looks, racking my brains to see if I can remember what outdated trend Kit and Jack were supposed to update. It's interesting to me that just by looking at them, you can't tell. Besides the mish-mash of prints and the maternity tent, I honestly have no idea what these were supposed to be. Both of you: FAIL.

Jeff says: Yeah, this is pretty awful as well but at least its somewhat imaginative in comparison to the previous collection designed for En Vogue. But again, no self-respecting fashionista would be caught dead in this, not even the suburbian housewife mall trash in South San Francisco. Not that there is anything wrong with housewives, ok? Christian was on this team, right? I recall that yet again he was in love with his effort and yet again it barely registered on the runway. He won't be in the finale.

Marc says: A baby doll over leggings? I don't think so. The second dress actually works in my opinion. I like the use of different prints.

Jayne says: Jillian, honey, even though you were part of the winning team this week, there is no way around the fact that this is just ass. Jesus Mary Joseph. FAIL.

Jeff says: Hey hey hey, we are gonna disagree, here - I actually liked this collection. The above is similar to what I've been seeing on the streets 'cept without the overall detail and I do love denim. I really liked Kevin's denim hot pants. The strangest thing happend to me this morning though - I woke up THINKING about the shorts, they were a great piece of work but only models and teenage girls really look good in those....and why the hell am I analyzing hot pants in my sleep anyway??

Jayne says:
Jeff dear, there are people that can help. Call me. (Oh, how you make me laugh!)

Marc says: Didn't Cheryl Ladd wear this atrocity in the Charlie's Angels episode "Women's Prison Rodeo Murder"?

The (sort of) Fabulous:

Jayne says: It's a sad, sad day when an outfit consisting of denim formal shorts and a top made of curtain material that totally channels Daniel V's orchid top from two seasons ago steals the show. A very sad day indeed.

Jeff says: Love this outfit. Again, its pretty unwearable, although the top is more so than the shorts. I was pretty impressed by the flat pleat construction mixed with the high waist line. VERY nice *goosebumps*

Marc says: Denim shorts and high heels. This look doesn't work on the runway or on anyone with any sense of taste. This look belongs in "Pretty Woman," not on Project Runway.

Who should have won:

Jayne says: Oh hell, I don't know.

Jeff says: Jillian's team. They got the challenge right. It wasn't the best competition ever or even the best PR, but they did a good job. Now that I think about it I've seen all of the winning looks on Three's Company reruns ...

Marc says: I agree with Jeff, Jillian's team, and yet it's still a poor collection. Nothing in this week's episode would sell in a store.

Who should have gotten the boot:

Jayne says: New rule: If you are in the bottom for two consecutive weeks, you're out. Accordingly, Ricky, consider your "in" an early Christmas present, cuz' girl... DAMN. I'm still bummed about my round-boy of love Chris getting the auf. Totally unexpected and WAY too freaking early. Damn you, judges!

Jeff says: Chris March was rightfully cut last night. OMG, whatthefuck shoulder pads, that nasty victorian wallpaper print fabric and dingdong headed leadership was the trifecta of failures. Ricky was in close here but I think that had he not worked so hard to reel in Victorya he would have been the easier target. I just got through looking at Chris's website and its a dragqueenafest - NO WONDER he liked his design! Hey Chrissy-boy: bad taste is great at Trannyshack on Thursday nights at The Stud, but not on the runway.

Marc says: I'm sad to see Chris go because he was so sweet, not a vulture like the others, but I must say he is better suited to designing costumes, not clothes.

Jayne says:
YES!! Any time the word "trifecta" can be used in a sentence, I'm all for it!

Christian parrot watch:

Jayne says:
I'm so over his sing-songy voice and pompous attitude. He's deteriorated into pure squawking mode now. It's been done before, dude. And done better. Can he go soon? Pretty please with sugar on top?

Jeff says: He is a domestic disturbance waiting to happen as his boyfriend will kick his ass at some point. Voted "Most Likely To Work At Wet Seal After PR4"

Marc says: Christian dates a weed wacker. That is the only way one can explain the hair.